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D. Bowler
Arcade: Action
ZX Spectrum 48K

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Ross Holman, Rick Robson, Dougie Bern
Chris Bourne

Rick: Creative Sparks has come up with a cheap and nasty for the sick at heart.. But then I like 'em cheap and nasty.

More horrific than Young Doctors, St. Crippens makes St. Elsewhere look like a Swiss Spa. You have to try and escape the worst hospital in the world before getting limbs lopped off by nurses, porters and genetic mutants. The game is wildly inaccurate. For a start you can tell the difference between the genetic mutants and the nurses. To escape you must find bribes of ciggies and beer to swop for clothes to slip by the security guards.

A concept so gruesome as to be brilliant, its tackiness is exceeded only by that of the graphics that have a certain minimalist charm, ie there's not much of them. The collision detection is so bad that the nurses presumably kill you with airborne germs as I kept getting zapped miles before actual contact. A couple of hours of this and you'll want to put the programmers in casualty, if you're not already in the mental ward. I gave this to me Dad - he reckoned it was a cut above the rest. If you're into squeamish fun then look no further. 6/10

Ross: Original idea, unoriginal graphics, but more than a pain to play. The collision detection is awful and means that you get struck down all too frequently. I never did like hospitals. 2/10

Dougie: Nice idea... shame about the game! I definitely wouldn't want to stay at this hospital, what with all those mutants and 'orrible nurses hanging around. Just keep taking the tablets and you may never have to go near this game. 2/10